There's a secret show and you're not invited

The first rule of MJ Lenderman is

you haven’t heard of MJ Lenderman. Or, if you have, you don’t really get him. Rather, you know there’s an MJ Lenderman and you know He makes music and you know that one of your friends probably saw Him a few years ago but they can’t (won’t?) tell where it was beyond a vague in some diy venue.

If you’ve heard of MJ Lenderman, you are either

A: a musical gourmand, or

B: lying.

MJ Lenderman will play a festival or two and someone you know will say I might try to catch MJ Lenderman later and someone else will say I’m gonna check out MJ Lenderman but both will say it in a way that implies they’ll never actually reach the show, that the show is a horizon, is a place to be.

The show is a promise.

You’re pretty sure that at some point you read an essay somewhere on Substack that wasn’t quite about MJ Lenderman but that mentioned him in a passing way as if to say yes! i know cool things! because MJ Lenderman is a suitable backdrop if you want to appear to be Someone Who Knows Lots of Things about music.

You should probably write a Thing on Substack about MJ Lenderman. You should probably do it before he gets too popular and the masquerade falls apart.

You watch an episode of Master of None and the whole plot revolves around this secret Father John Misty show that they speak about in excited whispers like it’s some kind of happy sin. The tickets are hard to get and in fact Dev scores them by accident and he says: If the race war goes down when I’m at a Father John Misty show I’m already fudged and that pretty much covers what you need to know about Father John Misty.

Father John Misty writes about things like film school and brewery taprooms and his music feels distantly related to Wes Anderson.

One Friday afternoon, you notice the world is suddenly talking about MJ Lenderman the way they talk about “Boy with apple” in the Grand Budapest Hotel. This is nothing but a casual observation and a way to signal that your good taste extends beyond music.

People talk about MJ Lenderman the way they talk about reading Marx.

Can you name an MJ Lenderman song that isn’t on Manning Fireworks? Can you name a Wednesday song? Oh – you didn’t know MJ Lenderman was also in a band?

Some album called Rat Saw God topped all the best release lists last year and the critics are talking like Wednesday’s always been here, like you’ve just been missing out on a massive part of the whole scene, and you think shit, man.

When you were still young and began to realize that there was Cool Music out there for you to find you kept seeing a band called Fleet Foxes and you just missed their best years but it’s okay because a few years later you’ll find out the drummer is actually doing some solo stuff and it’s your chance to tune in.

Father John Misty was probably on the soundtrack for some coming of age movie that left an immeasurable impact on the still-developing part of your brain that regulates music and taste.

Have you been to a Father John Misty show? Likely not. Can you say what kind of music Father John Misty makes? Also no – but when Chateau Lobby #4 comes on you know enough to not show your hand so you say Oh this? I’m pretty sure it’s Father John Misty.

It sounds a bit like Fleet Foxes, doesn’t it?

MJ Lenderman doesn’t sound much like Father John Misty, except maybe phonetically, but they are both names within arms reach that carry some sort of musical cache. If you like A, you must also like to B through Z, so MJ Lenderman is kind of like a patch on your jacket that says I’ve been here and I know the corners of the scene better than you.

If you listen to MJ Lenderman you probably know Wednesday, but if you don’t – if you listen to one or the other exclusively – then you are either

A: incredibly cool, or

B: completely ignorant.

You used to listen to Fleet Foxes but they went kind of mainstream so you started listening to their drummer’s solo project but it made you feel like you’re late to a house party where the only drinks are wine and the only food is a bowl of whole, unsalted nuts.

You say next time someone from a critically acclaimed indie band starts a solo project you’ll get in on the ground floor and pretend to be cool with everyone else.

You buy tickets to the MJ Lenderman show and the album comes out and it’s fuckin nuts and your cousin texts you about it and you see it reified in new release lists and when you call your brother to say you just bought tickets to the MJ Lenderman show he says oh yeah I know him and your manager talks about buying tickets to the MJ Lenderman show and you think I did it.

You made it in on the ground floor, but just barely, and somewhere in the world an indie band is about to be rocked by critical acclaim and one of the members, probably the bassist, is piecing together a solo project in their head and it will be your divine duty to talk about them at a house party in six months.

The album is good and ends with ten-ish minutes of guitar fuzz and when it’s over you open your eyes and take your headphones off and you’re on a crowded train where nobody cares much about MJ Lenderman so you put your headphones back on and start from the top and think nobody here is as cool as me, except maybe MJ Lenderman.

Have you heard his stuff?